I sat amidst the boxes of Christmas decorations filled with holiday memories, of those who have gone, and those who are still with us. I looked around at the counters cluttered with dirty dishes and mail and toys and card-making supplies and I felt that same overwhelming stress that often comes with the holidays. I looked at the bill pile and fought the wave of panic at the state of our finances. And for the first time in a very long time, it passed...the wave of panic, the overwhelming stress. And I realized...I am surrounded by abundance.
Yes, I have been marred by my loss and despair. I have many prayers that remain unanswered. My belly aches when I look at newborn babies and my heart hurts when I see the silly antics of a toddler. But I am surrounded by abundance.
My abundance may not be in the form of dollar bills, but I am surrounded my material things. I stopped myself on Saturday from saying, "We're so poor," because in reality, we're so not poor. We live in an amazing old home that we are lovingly restoring. Each room is filled (literally) with stuff. Too much stuff. Stuff that could be sold if the situation was dire. We have a basement and third floor filled as well. We have jobs, four, actually, that we work hard at each and every day to provide for our family. I sat for a few hours yesterday and wrapped lots of presents for Christmas and grocery shopped for our holiday meals. We are loved. We are full. Abundance surrounds us.
It is so incredibly easy for me (and I suppose many others) to slip into the "woe is me" frame of mind. And there are many people this holiday season that are justified in going "there." But not me. I have a good life and have been given so much that others have not. My son is healthy (minus the croup and chest cold) and flourishes at school. My sister made a surprise visit with donuts yesterday. My mom came down and distracted Builder Boy while I sorted and wrapped his gifts. Dad "gave me a little extra" on top of the money he owed me for some shopping I did for him "for my efforts." My work friends lift me up spiritually on a daily basis. Remodel Man stood outside for hours in the 20 degree weather yesterday making the outside of our home amazingly beautiful because Builder Boy is "only little once." (We'll ignore the fact that I currently have a lighted buck and doe in my living room right now because it just got too cold after the sun went done to continue...) It is overwhelming...but in a good way.
Perhaps my New Year's resolution should be to view the glass as half-full instead of half-empty because bottom-line is this...I am surrounded by abundance and I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
Merry Christmas to all of you!