RenovationGirl

A Blogging Guest

Do you ever go onto your blog as a guest?  You type in your web address and view it as others see it at first glance...you peruse your archives and see how you sound...you check out the layout and colors.  I do this occasionally just to see what my blog actually looks and sounds like.  I did this most recently and realized a couple of big things:

1.  I can't stand the look of my blog anymore. I have outgrown the colors and design.

2.  If you read most of my posts, the blog seems to just be a bitch session of sorts.  It's negative and sad and not at all the person or blog writer I thought I would be.

I can change the design (and am working on that), but it's the second one that gets me.  It's a big part of the reason I don't write much anymore.  Every time I sit down to write, it's just one big negative post...certainly, I've had a lot of life events in the past few years that have been less then stellar.  It is natural that I will write about these, but what my blog lacks is the occasional positive post.  The one where I realize that I am blessed and all that crap.

Logically, yes, if I sit and think about it, I can acknowledge all of my blessings...a roof over my head, a smart and funny little boy, a husband who works so hard to make our house an amazing home, a job (well, three), our health, caring friends, education, etc.  But to just go about my day and deal with the stress of mu life, I rarely go, "OH how blessed I feel!"  It's hard to see and feel the blessings when each day is a struggle of some kind-emotional, financial, physical. 

It's one of the things (and there are many) that drives me nuts about Fac.ebook.  I have so many "friends" who constantly post about how blessed they are.  I know this sounds mean and crass and not very Christian-like, but really?  What would be so much more refreshing and honest is if people said how they really feel.  Try this:  "Face.book Friend is constipated today and wishes she could just push one out."  OR, "Face.book Friend 2 is eating at Taco Bell tonight because she's too poor for anything else." OR, "Fac.ebook Friend 3 is getting a divorce because her husband is a no-good, lying, cheating, SOB."  See, isn't that more comforting to know others lives' suck occasionally, too?

I have planned out many times how to make my blog  more positive, but it's hard to post positively when you're not feeling that positive.  And I don't want to write negative post after negative post.  What a conundrum. 

Regardless, I will continue to write because I like to and I like those who visit here.  I can promise more positive and healthy posts to come, including one where I meet a favorite blogger friend of mine and feel like a big-girl blogger.  Now that we've done the school thing for a couple of weeks now, I am  hoping to write more consistently...you'll visit then, won't you?

Sunday Night Blues

Do you get the Sunday night blues?  My dad always talked about them when I was growing up and when I entered the adult world, I knew exactly what he meant.  There you are, happily going about your weekend when BLAMO! it hits you.  You have to work tomorrow.  Well, I don't start back to work until the week after this (three weeks before Labor Day-how ridiculous is that?!) and yet I already have the Sunday Night Blues.

Mostly because we just got back from vacation and I know that this is my last full week of freedom.  In exactly nine days, I will officially be back to work full-time, plus my two and a 1/2 side jobs.  It's fine.  Truly it is.  We will all adjust to our new lives, but, to be honest with you:  I DON'T WANNA!!!!!  While I have worked the past years many more hours than the normal full-time worker, I could do much of it in the middle of the night, in my pj's, no make up or cute clothes.  I certainly got a lot less sleep than the average human, but it worked for me.  I could be a part-time stay at home mom and feel like I was involved, yet make money and feel some sense of personal satisfaction beyond diaper changes and Lego contests.  It worked.

Now, I will be up 5 days a week a 5 AM.  I will never be the one to take my son to school. I will have to race to pick him up after school.  I cannot be there if he gets sick at school (I work an hour a way) or volunteer in his classroom.  At least one night a week, I will work outside the home at my retail job.  All nights I will have to work my online job.  Occasionally I will work my stamping consultant job.  It will be crazy.

YET, there is some peace of mind that I will have a steadier and bigger pay check.  The benefits are better than what we've had.  The drive to work, while long, is familiar as is the curriculum I teach. All will be well. 

But boy these Sunday Night Blues are yucky!!  :)