Do you ever go onto your blog as a guest? You type in your web address and view it as others see it at first glance...you peruse your archives and see how you sound...you check out the layout and colors. I do this occasionally just to see what my blog actually looks and sounds like. I did this most recently and realized a couple of big things:
1. I can't stand the look of my blog anymore. I have outgrown the colors and design.
2. If you read most of my posts, the blog seems to just be a bitch session of sorts. It's negative and sad and not at all the person or blog writer I thought I would be.
I can change the design (and am working on that), but it's the second one that gets me. It's a big part of the reason I don't write much anymore. Every time I sit down to write, it's just one big negative post...certainly, I've had a lot of life events in the past few years that have been less then stellar. It is natural that I will write about these, but what my blog lacks is the occasional positive post. The one where I realize that I am blessed and all that crap.
Logically, yes, if I sit and think about it, I can acknowledge all of my blessings...a roof over my head, a smart and funny little boy, a husband who works so hard to make our house an amazing home, a job (well, three), our health, caring friends, education, etc. But to just go about my day and deal with the stress of mu life, I rarely go, "OH how blessed I feel!" It's hard to see and feel the blessings when each day is a struggle of some kind-emotional, financial, physical.
It's one of the things (and there are many) that drives me nuts about Fac.ebook. I have so many "friends" who constantly post about how blessed they are. I know this sounds mean and crass and not very Christian-like, but really? What would be so much more refreshing and honest is if people said how they really feel. Try this: "Face.book Friend is constipated today and wishes she could just push one out." OR, "Face.book Friend 2 is eating at Taco Bell tonight because she's too poor for anything else." OR, "Fac.ebook Friend 3 is getting a divorce because her husband is a no-good, lying, cheating, SOB." See, isn't that more comforting to know others lives' suck occasionally, too?
I have planned out many times how to make my blog more positive, but it's hard to post positively when you're not feeling that positive. And I don't want to write negative post after negative post. What a conundrum.
Regardless, I will continue to write because I like to and I like those who visit here. I can promise more positive and healthy posts to come, including one where I meet a favorite blogger friend of mine and feel like a big-girl blogger. Now that we've done the school thing for a couple of weeks now, I am hoping to write more consistently...you'll visit then, won't you?