The Staircase

When I was a little girl, I hated going to the pediatrician's office.  Besides the normal fears of shots and cold hands, what was worse was just getting there.  Our pediatrician's office was at the top of a very steep staircase and there was no elevator.  I remember standing at the bottom, gazing up from my child height, thinking that my fevered limbs would not carry me all to the top. 

I often think of that staircase even thought it's been a long time since I have had to climb it.  That staircase would show up in my dreams nights before we would open a show, or before a job interview, or before IVF cycles.  Feelings of fear that I would not be able to get to the top of that staircase.  Or successfully open a show, or get the job, or have a baby. 

Recently, without any momentous occasions, that staircase has been flitting in and out of my conscious mind.  Today, there it was as I was driving home from work.  I've been so struck recently with how many unhappy people I know, myself included.  She doesn't have a husband.  He needs a better job to pay the bills.  She wants a baby, he doesn't.  She needs more time in her day.  He needs a new car.  It strikes me because I have a hard time comprehending why we are all so unhappy.  Were our parents?  Or theirs'?  Are we just spoiled brats, having been "given" so much that we have a hard time finding the happiness?  Or do the circumstances of our society really entitle us to this unhappiness?

It's troublesome.  I don't want to raise Builder Boy surrounded by disappointment and unhappiness.  I want him to be filled with joy and wonder.  I want my friends to feel the same way.  I want to be fulfilled in the life I have been given.

So what's the next step?  Check back Friday...

Comments

[PorscheNut]

You big tease! I can't wait till Friday! I've often had the same thoughts as you. Are we not grateful enough? Do we want earthly things we really don't need? I think sometimes when big things happen it puts the rest of your life in perspective. I know I'm sure looking at things differently now. I still get sad or grouchy, and of course I still complain, it's my pastime! But I look at things differently and see just how bad things could get. So when Porsche Peanut wakes me up at 3:18AM...again because she needs a tissue for her runny nose and I find myself REALLY cranky about it, I think I could be sleeping in a chair in a hospital room as she recovers from surgery. I don't mind the cold so much now. Or when the DH isn't home or is being particularly frustrating, I remember how he handled recent events, how rock solid he was when I wanted to crumble. I want him with me no matter what the crisis or happy moment is. Is this the life I envisioned for myself? No, not quite. I guess I could be unhappy about that. But it's my life, my family, and there's a reason it is the way it is. I am determined to be happy and raise a happy child. Maybe we need to write a little list of 3 things each day we're happy about? 1. I'm happy I didn't have to shovel my driveway this morning. 2. I'm 1 day closer to summer. 3. I have a friend who understands exactly how I feel. What do you think?

[Steve]

So... hmmm... I'm trying to think of how to articulate this thought I'm having (It's hard sometimes, cause I get choked a lot).

I guess the simplest way to say it is like this. I believe that that are people who are unhappy and people who are happy. This is a disposition that is resistant to, and independent of, all but the largest life events. What I mean is, people who are happy tend to be so regardless of (or in spite of) what is happening in their lives. I am inspired by these people. Friends I have who struggle with MS and cancer... and I know too many. They look for validation of their happiness in their friends and in those things that make them so.

People who are chronically unhappy also tend to be so independent of what happens in their lives. Similarly, they focus on those things that validate their unhappiness.

[Teresa]

I have wondered the SAME thing! Has everybody been this unhappy and miserable since the beginning of time? I've always wanted to go back to the 40's...that seems so much nicer...but maybe not.

Can't wait for Friday!