As a parent, I try to be careful what kind of language I use. While I have slipped up and used profanity in front of Builder Boy, this is not a common occurrence. And while I do try not to use that kind of language, he inevitably picks it up and uses it at a later day, and always in the correct way. But even some words that we use daily in a non-harmful way can come back to haunt us.
This weekend, we packed up the car and shuffled off to Buffalo to visit my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. They have a beautiful, brand-new perfectly decorated home, big and colorful. (Another post to follow on home insecurities...) We had a great time visiting Niagara Falls and spending some quality time with them.
My SIL and BIL have been dealing with infertility for 11 years. They can get pregnant, but they can't get it to stick. It was my SIL who told me the mantra that kept me going with fertility treatments when my strength would fail me...we had been visiting them while they were undergoing treatments at their last location. I remember so vividly being in the bathroom of my BIL's workplace, washing my hands and saying to my SIL, "I just don't think I could do it. I'm not as strong as you." And she told me that she, too, had felt that way when her sister had gone through treatments. She told me that you do what you have to do and that as you go through treatment, you find the strength because of the result you are working towards. I thought about that as we moved forward in our own treatments, each new step at one time seeming so elusive and difficult, yet always finding the strength I needed.
My in-laws struggle with their weight...my SIL, in her teen years, was super thin, with a body to die for. Many years later, many treatment cycles later, my SIL is struggling with her weight. She is a beautiful woman, so I don't really notice it. Apparently, Builder Boy did. He called her fat. To her face. He actually used the word, "fat." Remodel Man and I thought we would die. We were mortified! Their had been some joking around that since Builder Boy loves Uncle BIL so much, that Aunt SIL would go to work for Uncle BIL. Builder Boy, ever so practical, says that Aunt SIL couldn't fit into Uncle BIL's uniform because "she is fat." I saw Builder Boy struggling to find the words to say. That she couldn't fit into his uniform. It was very simple to him and he was not being mean. We reprimanded him and have since had subsequent conversations about it.
But we had to reflect on ourselves and why he would say that...we don't use that word to talk about people. It's offensive to comment on others' bodies, no matter what the size, so we rarely do this. We asked ourselves why he would use this word. Then it hit us...we constantly refer to Deconstructor Cat 1 as "big fat kitty." This cat is huge...18 lbs. And big-boned to boot. We call him "big fat kitty" lovingly, but we never realized what we were really saying. Of course, we have stopped calling DC1 by his "big fat kitty" name and continued talks about not using the word "fat" to describe a person.
Sweet, little, innocent boy that he is, he also finished our weekend with my SIL and BIL by asking me, in front of them, why "God didn't give them a son." To hear him say those words, to know their pain, well, it just about dropped me to the ground. Out of the mouths of babes...and wow, what a weekend!