Today was a clearer day. That dark, sad place that I lived in yesterday was replaced by the beautiful, joy-filled sunny and warm day that was today. Thank you for so many heartfelt comments and support. As soon as I hit "publish," I wanted to delete the post, but I didn't. Partially, because I needed your comments; partially because I need this public reminder of how terrible yesterday was so I can strive to be more patient, loving, strong, and grace-filled.
Remodel Man and I spent a vast majority of yesterday evening talking the day through. We came up with an action plan which we will implement slowly. What I discovered (besides what a heartless, nasty, lunatic I can be to this clever, funny, caramel-eyed boy) was that we need to practice what we preach. We lack the follow-through ourselves, so why should Builder Boy follow-through? If we are asking him to pick up his toys every night, then we need to pick up our own "toys," too. If we are asking him to be patient, then I need to be patient myself. (Notice, that was "I" not "we." Remodel Man has far more patience than I ever will.)
Here is what our action plan consists of:
1. A Family meeting (kind of weird with only the three of us, but hey, SuperNan.ny does it all the time!) during which time we will discuss:
2. Family Rules
3. Family Chore Chart
4. TV time (a card system that I have been thinking of for awhile now, but failed to implement it)
I also spoke with a friend's husband tonight who is a child psychologist. I had mentioned to my friend that I had been worried about Builder Boy and she said to talk to her husband. By my explanations of the behaviors I am seeing, he very assuredly told me that there is nothing wrong with Builder Boy. He did suggest that our parenting skills probably need some tweaking, but he did so respectfully and with great understanding (he has four kids and they suffered with infertility themselves). So, that made me feel a lot better.
Builder Boy has talked about our day yesterday at random times, processing that Mama can get mad, but still loves him. It must be a hard concept for little ones to grasp. I worry that he will remember this particular day, but hope that even if he does, the good days will hold the greatest place in his memory.
Thank you again for your comments and support. As I sobbed through each of them, it reminded me that I am not in fact alone in this.
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