RenovationGirl: Pins and Needles

So, I found an acupuncturist who specializes in infertility after the really good one "didn't have time" for me. While the new one, we'll call her Ms. Pins and Needles, is farther away than I wanted, she was kind, understanding, confident, and encouraging. No guarantees, of course, but there was at least a little glimmer of hope that this might work. If not, what's the worst thing that could happen? My stress is a little bit relieved? Okay, I'll take it.

Pre-infertility, I was terrified of needles. Shots were torturous, and if I had to give blood, forget it! The first round of infertility testing changed all of that. They took 18 vials of blood at one sitting, and besides almost passing out, I did it. Since then, I don't mind it so much. They took my blood every other day for how many months and I lived. Remodel Man gave me 3, sometimes 4 shots some nights of treatment, and I lived. But I won't lie, I was a bit nervous about my first acupuncture appointment.

Guess what? I lived. It was no big deal at all. She kept me talking while she placed the needles in my head, abdomen, legs and feet. She kept me talking about Builder Boy, which I am sure was no coincidence. She finished it quickly, placed the soothing music on, turned out the lights, and told me I had to relax..."You have to, because you can't move-you've got needles all over you." She chuckled and walked out. I chuckled, too, because she was right!

I had a hard time relaxing. Relaxing doesn't come easy for me anymore. I'm too stressed about too many things. But I tried. I said a mantra that I thought was baby-friendly. (Okay, between you and me, I changed the mantra a few times while there...yeah, I'm really good at meditating...) I tried taking deep breaths, although I got a little freaked about breathing deeply with those needles in me. Strangely enough, though, I was able to get to a mild meditative state which I have never been able to do at home. I can't quite describe it, but I felt like I was tingly, sort of floating, but not really. I was relaxed, but not asleep, but not wholly aware of things outside of myself. I came in and out of these a couple of times. I was kind of cool!

After she took the needles out, I felt normal, but the next day, I felt calmer. Perhaps it was the treatment, or perhaps it was because it was the first time in 5 years that I was allowed to sit and relax for more than five uninterrupted minutes. Regardless, I feel good.

I go back three days this week-the three days she suspects I will ovulate. I had the option of doing the OPK (ovulation predictor kit), but I chose not to. Maybe next month, but for this month, we'll just see what happens. I feel a slight sense of hope which feels good and scary at the same time. It's good to feel positive about my fertility, but it is also scary to have that sense of hope that could be crushed so easily.

Oh well, I'll just be on "pins and needles" to see what happens.