Too Much TV

There's this Beren.stein Bear book called, Too Much TV, that like all their other books provides a valuable lesson to children and parents alike.  This particular one, of course, teaches the child to turn off the television and use their imagination to play.  I am a particular fan of this book since watching television is a bit of an issue for us.

You see, as an educator, I know too much about kids and their behavior.  Studies have shown that too much television is not good for young children.  Some believe that ADHD can partially be "caused" by too much watching.  While pregnant, I committed to the idea that Builder Boy would not watch television until he was older.  I made it eighteen months.  And then it wasn't my fault.  You see, Remodel Man is a TV watcher.  He comes from a family of TV watchers.  Often, while at my in-laws house, every TV in the house will be on-and only two people live there.  They just need to have the noise and the picture going all the time.  Coming from the same gene pool, Remodel Man does this, too.  I follow behind and turn off the TV after he leaves the room.  The constant noise, constant flickering picture drives me crazy after awhile.  Don't get me wrong, I like television, but I also like a good book, or to listen to music, or-gasp!-to have some quiet in the house.

So, while on a rare trip to the grocery store alone, Remodel Man introduced Builder Boy, a mere eighteen months into his life, to the television.  Any guesses what his first television experience was?  Leave a comment with your guess...and get your mind out of the gutter! 

From that point on, it was all downhill.  Builder Boy wanted to watch television all the time.  Non-stop.  I fought it most of the time, but those times that I would wear down, well, wow!  You get lots done when the little one is entertained.  And so it became easier to give in and get things done.  I am racked with guilt constantly, wallowing to my friends at how pathetic I am, yet each day, I find myself giving in again.

And because everything in my life revolves around infertility, there are other feelings of guilt with Builder Boy and his television watching.  Here I have been given this amazing gift, my miracle baby, and I am wasting his short little boy life allowing him to watch television instead of making memories with him.  He is my only one, my only chance at motherhood-and right now, what is he doing?  Watching television while I write this.  Then there is the whole "if he had a sibling" issue.  When I am around my friends with more than one child, I am amazed at how their children play together.  Yes, I know you spend a lot of time refereeing siblings (I have a sister...I know...), but those times when they do play together, those are priceless.  Builder Boy doesn't get that.  When we go places like the park or a play area, he goes it alone.  He curiously watches the other kids, the siblings, play with one another.  He attempts to join in, but they usually are pretty exclusive, those sibling clubs.  Heck, they have a built in playmate, why bother with a stranger? 

What does this have to do with watching TV and too much of it?  Well, in the fantasy land that is my mind, I imagine that if there was a sibling, there would be a lot less television watching.  I could say, "Play with your brother/sister!" instead of, "I'm busy right now, you'll have to play by yourself."  So often, I just don't say it because it sounds so cold and lonely.  Instead, I put aside my work, my cleaning, my bill-paying and I play.  Much of the time I ask, "Do you want to watch something?"  And here we are again, watching too much TV. 

I'm so tired of the guilty cycle that infertility takes me on.  Parenting alone gives you plenty of guilt, but to add the guilt of not providing a sibling, well, it's just too much sometimes.  So, anyone out there have some tried and tested methods of getting an only child to play by themselves while not feeling like you have somehow failed them?  Mama Beren.stein could do it.  She'd just put her foot down, stand strong, and the little bears would "see the light."  Only thing is, she has two kids...

Comments

[Topsy-Techie]

Boy do I ever know the "TV guilt" scenario. But I grew up as a hardcore TV watcher, and always have been. Hubby can take it or leave it. Interestingly enough, I used to sit with my oldest son on my lap and rock him to sleep while watching the tube. He had numerous chances to become "addicted", and he has never willingly turned on a television in his entire 14 years of life! Seriously! The only tv he has EVER watched has been the "second hand smoke" of little brother. His drug of choice is definitely the internet. Much more interactive. Now our younger son, on the other hand, was a TV-holic from the age of six months. He would roll his walker over to the entertainment center and push the buttons on the front until one of them made it come on. Then he would watch whatever came up. World News, game show, ER, didn't matter. He would watch it. He only recently aborted his TV addiction in favor of the internet. So, you just never know...it may very well be a "nature" rather than "nurture" thing, this TV watching. At least that's how I soothe myself to sleep at night.... ;-)

[Martial Arts Mom]

Renovation Girl- (warning - I tend to ramble - this is long...)
I feel I can speak on all of the above subjects as a virtual expert. I am an only child. And I am 43 years old now and have STILL not gotten over HATING being an only child. (Especially now with 2 elderly parents with many, many serious health problems and no siblings to help me or even to just commiserate.) I also had fertility issues and luckily, ended up with 2 kids after all was said and done.

First of all, the fertility issues. I tried for 2 years to get pregnant with my now 18 yo daughter. Luckily (and I tend to say luckily a lot on this issue because it could have went the other way just as easily) the first and least invasive type of treatment worked for us - Clomid. I did have to go 3 expensive monthly rounds of it before it "took". Then, when she was 4, I went off the pill again thinking that since I'd had one child, I would be "Fertile Myrtle". Because of my extreme hatred of being an only child, I was determined I would have a 2nd child no matter what. No go. 3 years went by with many blood tests, peeing on many sticks…nothing. Went to my OB/GYN to see if they'd let me take the Clomid again. After all, it worked the first time, right? Well, different doc who liked to check everything out first. Did a uterine biopsy during the time I was ovulating …there went another month's chances shot. Finally talked him into letting me just try Clomid for 6 months and if it didn't work, I'd resolve myself to being the parent of an only child. The doc relented and let me go on Clomid. Three months later, pregnant again with my now 10 yo son. Did I say we were extremely lucky? Yes, I think I did.

During that time of not being successful in providing a sibling, I felt inferior because I saw all my friends, teens, and even drug addicts getting pregnant, but not me. It is a basic tenant of life - to procreate and I felt like a failure. It is very frustrating and consumes you. I know -I've been there. Meanwhile, my daughter was growing like a weed…basically as an only child. By the time my son was born, my daughter had just turned 8 years old. She was basically an only child. And you know what? My now 10 yo son is growing up as an "only" for the most part as well because she has been a teenager almost all of the time he has been conscious of having a sister.

As a parent, trying to keep my two "only" children busy - I can relate to your dilemma. Between helping my parents, keeping my marriage alive and parenting an 18 yo starting her life and my 10 yo ADHD son, the TV is a constant companion in my house - both for my son and for me - to keep him out of my hair while I deal with all I have to deal with and for m to drop in front of and veg out after all the stress of all of the above. I am an avid reader and both of my kids love books but hate to read. Yep, true. My son loves to play with the kids on the street, but me being the protective (and responsible) parent, I feel the need to watch them very carefully so I don't get much done when he's out playing either.

So, you were asking for advice, weren't you? Oops. Well, at least I let you know your feelings of guilt are normal - I feel that too. Your not being able to get anything done without putting your child in front of the tv - normal too. So, I hope I helped a little bit anyway.

[Stephanie]

Gosh...I don't have any advice, but I could've written this word for word. My son is 3 years old and it looks like he'll be an only child, at least for awhile. We've been "trying" for #2 for 1.5 years and have stopped treatments for the time being. It breaks my heart that he doesn't have a sibling to play with and won't for a long time. I always feel guilty when I put him in front of the tv so I can get something done. I feel like I'm always telling him "not right now," or "go play with your toys," just so I can take a shower or do the dishes. I hate it. I can relate to everything you said...it's amazing that I read this today because I've been thinking about this A LOT lately. It's just heartbreaking that we even have to be feeling guilty for such things. Like you said...it's not like mommy guilt isn't bad enough on its own.

Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.