Strength and Grace

Last night, as I brushed my teeth before bed, only five hours before I had to get up for work, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how haggard I looked.  "Three more weeks," I told myself.  Only three more weeks for two of my three jobs, then we're off on summer break.  "I can do anything for three weeks."  Only problem is, I've been doing this type of schedule for months now.  This thought overwhelmed me, as did my haggard, tired face.  "God," I prayed and then stopped.  I was about to pray for strength to get through the next few weeks, you know, yet again asking Him for me than I ever give.  But something occurred to me-I already had the strength.  It was not strength I needed, because He had given that to me very graciously. 

What I needed was grace.

Because while I manage to get the work done, I do it kicking and screaming.  Not like a child who doesn't want to eat his broccoli, but like a woman who feels resentful and overburdened. In my stress, I get crabby.  I've been known to swear-a lot.  I occasionally throw something.  I get very angry with Remodel Man.  I lose my patience too much with Builder Boy.  I cry a lot. I eat a lot.  And yes, this is to be expected with the workload that I carry, but it gets me nowhere.  My relationship with Remodel Man suffers, my relationship with Builder Boy suffers, my body suffers, and I model poor behavior to Builder Boy.  If I just got over myself, sucked it up and did what needed to be done, I'd be done a lot faster and with a happier home life.  I know...easier said than done.

So, God, you've given me the strength, now can I ask for a little grace?  Because I need a lot of help with this grace thing. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go eat some banana chocolate chip bread while I cry into my tea and email mean messages to Remodel Man...

Comments

[Black Belt Mama]

You need to come out here by yourself. I'm taking you to the spa and we're going to sip wine, be pampered and relax.

[Topsy-Techie]

Some serenity prayers for you (I listed them all, since I don't know where you fit on Meyer's Briggs)

Serenity Prayers for the Myers-Briggs Types

ISTJ - God, help me to begin relaxing about little details tomorrow at 11:41:32 am
ISFJ - Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it exactly right
INFJ - Lord, help me not be a perfectionist (Did I spell that right?)
INTJ - Lord, keep me open to others' ideas, wrong though they may be
ISTP - God, help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them are hypersensitive
ISFP - Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if You don't mind my asking)
INFP - Lord, help me to finish everything I sta
INTP - Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.
ESTP - God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually not my fault
ESFP - God, help me to take things more seriously especially parties and dancing
ENFP - God, help me keep my mind on one thing - Look, a bird - at a time.
ENTP - God, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes
ESTJ - God, help me to try not to run everything, but if You need some help, just ask.
ESFJ - Lord, give me patience and I mean right now
ENFJ - God, help me to do only what I can and trust You for the rest. Do You mind putting that in writing?
ENTJ - God, help me to slow downandnotrushthroughwhatIdoAmen.