Today, my baby boy turned four years old. Four. Four. I can't believe he is four. Where did the last four years go? I have never been a mother to wish for the next developmental step like some mothers do. But even though I didn't wish the time away, it is impossible to savor every single minute, especially those minutes filled with temper tantrums.
I have so many regrets as a mother, as I imagine all mothers do. I regret that I had to work, even from home. I regret that my infertility treatments made me a horrible, depressed, impatient mom. I regret that I didn't turn off the television more and do crafts and baking. I regret the amount of time I spend on the damn computer, both for work and to feed my email addiction. I regret that on rainy days, we didn't build more blanket forts. I regret all the times I forgot you were just a kid and I was the adult. I regret that you don't have a sibling to play with, fight with, and tag team me with. And while this last regret is beyond my control, the other regrets are not. So, besides the cool new Rad.io Fly.er scooter, the Spe.ed Ra.cer helmet, and the V-te.ch laptop, my best birthday present is the one to come. The one that's not wrapped in cool, little boy wrapping paper. And this present will last as long as I do it. So, here's to the next year of turning off the television, building blanket forts, and remembering that you're just being a kid and it's my job to be the adult.
Happy Birthday, Builder Boy! You are the greatest thing that I have created and every day you continue to amaze me with your cleverness, your humor, and your capacity for loving me even with all my faults. I have been blessed beyond my worth. Happy Birthday!
we both have Taurus boys.
I have many regrets too. I wish I could throw in the towel and homeschool him for awhile. Or maybe even have a camper van and travel the continent.
Rita
Posted by: Rita | May 01, 2008 at 07:43 PM