RenovationGirl

A Chipmunk, Some Robins, and Me

We have been blessed of late with amazing weather here in Southwestern PA. Today it hit 75 degrees at a time when we normally would be shoveling snow and de-icing the cars. Instead, though, we have been enjoying crystal blue skies, giant fluffy clouds, and glorious sunsets.

I have been trying daily to enjoy the peacefulness of a beautiful day. All too often, I find it dark and realize that the entire day has been without sun or fresh air and it’s stifling to the soul. But tonight, I took advantage of a few minutes to enjoy my own little piece of heaven:

It’s might not look like much to many people, but I love how the sun is setting with such brilliance, shining the last of its intense rays on the houses we look upon. The light catching just the edges of our decorative pear trees, and too, in the shadows, our lovely weeping cherry just about to burst with her pink springiness.

Of course, never can I just sit. There are always papers to grade. Always.

But as I sat amidst nature’s quiet, I realized…nature’s not all that quiet…I had to get up to see what all the squawking and rustling was. (It was just a robin, but I seriously thought it was stuck somewhere and hurt!) And then every few minutes I would catch something flash by in the corner of my eye…

Can you see him there in the middle of the picture? Mr. Chipmunk, who worked tirelessly the entire time I was out there. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. When he headed to the wall, his cheeks were full of his evening finds. On the way to the shrubs, his cheeks were empty, ready for the bounty he would get. Often, he would stop and check me out, probably thinking, “Stupid human!” I’d move my feet and he’d dart to the safety of his wall. (Dear Mr. Chipmunk, please find a new home because in approximately two months, your home will be cemented in and Remodel Man will be laughing as he does it. He’s not a big fan of yours. He dislikes you almost as much as the deer who visit our yard, chew on our trees, rub their antlers on our too young shrubs, and leave us giant mounds of what looks like black jelly beans-but they’re not.)

Even in the midst of the noise of nature and the papers I have to grade, it was a lovely night, enjoying a few moments of peace and nature and my animal friends. And getting work done to boot!

It was almost as awesome as meeting Pioneer Woman, Marlboro Man, and three of their kids on Tuesday…but that story will have to wait for another day. 

A Quiet Morning

It is very rare that I get to enjoy a quiet morning alone with a cup of coffee and just be. Today is one of those days...mind you, I have already gotten Builder Boy off to school complete with sleeping through the first alarm, construction that made the 5 minutes drive almost 15 minutes, or the hour of work I've already done, so this wasn't exactly a roll out of bed and enjoy the quiet kind of day. Nonetheless, after all the morning craziness, I grabbed my cup of coffee and here I am.

Just being.

Just thinking.

Just enjoying the cat purring on the couch behind me

...the wind rattling these 130 year old windows

...the cars rolling by on the street outside

...the sound of the furnace kicking on to warm the house.

The day ahead holds a few smaller projects that will finally be checked of my list after too long, a mountain of exams to finish grading, some lessons to be planned, a dinner to be cooked, and some laundry to fold, but for the now, they are just the future. And for once, I am just enjoying the now.

Have a good day, everyone!

It Was a Long Time Coming

I have numerous drafted posts that continue to sit in my drafts folder. It seemed that every single one was filled with bitterness, negativity, and cynicism. They are downright pathetic and depressing. They were also raw and honest. I wanted to post them because of that-their honesty-but during the Christmas season, they didn't seem to have a place. The blogosphere was filled with joyous posts filled with all a litany of how every feels so blessed and hopeful and peaceful-and I just wasn't feeling it. Until Christmas Day. There on Christmas Day full of the stress of hosting my first Christmas dinner in a house that continues to be messy, cluttered and dirty, this feeling washed over me. Of relief. Of joy. Of contentment. Of hope.

Life continues to throw what feels like a constant curve ball at me. The bills continue to pile up. I am still confronted with my body's failure to reproduce again successfully. The clutter that envelops my home has a strangling hold on me. Yet, at a particularly stressful moment on Christmas Day (you know that moment when your home is filled with guests and the meal is just about to be served and every.single.food item.needs to be hot ten minutes ago!!), I felt washed over with peace because...

There sat my aunt who just finished her chemo treatments, whose hair is starting to grow back, who delighted in the presence of all of us...

There sat my dad whom we almost lost three years ago on Christmas Day. He sat contentedly with Deconstructor cat #1 filling his lap in all his big-boned sweetness, watching my son explore the new toys and Lego sets and books he had just received...

There played my son, revelling in the most exciting of days as Santa brought him two of the three Lego sets he wanted (yea, Santa couldn't afford the $400 Death Star Lego set!) loving on all of us there...

There sat my mother, who has had a tough year, yet never complained, who finally allowed herself to relax and let me and my sister handle the meal...who adores her grandson more than anything in the world...

There sat my newly engaged cousin with her about to deploy fiancee, happy and full of excitement about their future life together.

All this unbridled joy in my home, under my roof, not marred by the clutter or dirt or disorganization. Just there, filling my home. And for the first time in a long time, I felt lighter and happy and content.

I hope this same feeling reached you and yours this Christmas season. I am hopeful it will stick around in the new year...for me and for you.

Present and Accounted For

Hi there. Here I am! A horribly bad blogger. A horribly overwhelmed human being. A horrible person who at this very moment in time should be doing 10 other things, but I figured I'd better get something up here or I'd lose all of my readers (all five of you!). Since eloquence has gone out the window only to be replaced with incoherence and exhaustion, I will leave you snippets of my life right now.

The reasons I am a bad blogger:

1. Last year, I had 44 students at one job and 23 students at my other job. This year, I have 87 students at one job and 115 at my other job. Um, yeah....

2. Builder Boy is in first grade...it's going to kill me.

3. We have at least 7 projects going on at the moment...all need to be finished and there is only one Remodel Man and no money or time.

4. I took a good look at our finances the other day. If you're me, I don't recommend doing this.

5. I have a new boss at my job...this person does not have any education experience. It's comical, and sad, and a very public situation.

6. I am begging for technology for my classroom...and by technology, I mean an overhead projector that works. Hello, 1978! (I'd love a VHS that works, too, but really, that would be way to 1985 for us!)

7. My brain is mush.

8. I realized the other day that if I died tomorrow, I would die unhappy, and that would make me even unhappier. (Yea, I get it, I'd be dead and all, but you know what I mean.).

9. My prayers have gone from asking for help and guidance to downright begging. I'm thinking the Lord thinks I'm kind of pathetic.

10. Pregnant women and babies are all around me...I'm doing mostly well with it. Mostly. Well, sort of okay. Okay, let's just say that all those years of acting are an immense help to me right now.

11. I am gaining weight. I'm flabbergasted by this. Yet, I won't stop eating.

I cannot tell you how many times I have opened up my Compose Post page, filled with words and thoughts and ideas, only to close in back up in fear. Fear of what? No idea, but I close up once I actually commit to writing. I think it's partly because I've said it all before...there's no new ideas in there. I live the same day, month, year, over and over again, and frankly put, it's depressing. So very many of my blog friends are joyful where they are in their lives and I don't want to rain on their parade. So I don't write. And yet I want to. But I don't. ARRRRGHH!!!

I'm still here and hoping that this post will open the floodgates. That I will make time to write. But this school year is kicking my butt, so all I can promise is that I'll do my best.

While Everyone's Asleep

Everyone is asleep in the house.  The cool, night air, a welcome relief from the glaringly hot day, laps into the house.  I sit, in the kitchen.  The place where I spend most of my days at home.  It is a mess and I should be cleaning.  But it can wait.

For now, I focus on the positive.  The fun summer times we are having as a family.  How our summer focus is on family and not the house.  Bike rides and trips to the zoo and a visit (twice) to a historic village in town and lots of days and nights at the pool. Play dates with friends and long conversations with kindred spirits who are too far away.  Breathing in the clear nights and allowing the sun to soak into the skin.  A birthday celebration and time with family and a trip to the sandy beach soon.  A mother who gives her everything and more for her family and a grandfather who loves spending time with his grandson at a coffeehouse under a shady tree.  Watching the Stars Wars movies, starting with 1 and working our way to "our" Star Wars movies.  Ice cream and homemade popsicles and eating dinner on the patio.  Veggies and  potato packs on the grill and fresh cherries we could eat by the poundful.  Reconnecting with close friends and making new ones. 

What I will not focus on is my mammogram tomorrow or my aunt's fatigue after her first round of chemo.  Builder Boy's breakdown earlier today or Remodel Man's stress.  My sister's loneliness or my mother's concern for her family.  Our financial stresses or the overwhelming work schedule this week.  A school year that has already started with drama and stress and a little bit of comedy.  Buying school supplies in mid-July.

No, for tonight, I will focus on the quiet of the night.  I will focus on the life we live now.  I will focus on the family I have been blessed with and the friends who support us.  Because while everyone's asleep, the mind can take me to the bad places, but there is time for those places...or not.  I'll focus on the not...

What I WANT To Do on My Summer Vacation

I always give myself a week or so after school ends to decompress after the long school year.  This year proved to be more challenging as Builder Boy entered the world of big-boy school and quite suddenly, I found myself going from teacher who is a parent to a parent who is a teacher.  This was a change and at times quite challenging.  Add to that the other two jobs, a new job for Remodel Man, and the desire to always be a better mother, teacher, wife, sister, daughter-you have one stressed out Renovation Girl.  My week is over now and now comes the summer bucket list. 

My friend Shayne recently wrote about this-how one minute school is letting out and the next, you find yourself walking your kids to the bus stop for a new year of school full of regret for all of the summer things you didn't get around to doing.  I feel that way, too.  These summer months fly by in a flash and I don't want to miss out on all the wonderful and unique experiences that summer offers.  Some items we have already accomplished (go us!!), some we will do again and again, and others we need to make the time for without fail.  So here it is...my summer bucket list:

1.  Organize my craft room and get crafting.  I have some sewing projects that I need to do and want to do and right now, you can barely walk into that room.

2.  Purge the basement and third floor.  While I realize I can't do this entire project in one summer (yea, it's that bad...), I would like to make a considerable effort to purge and organize. 

3.  Rethink my entire year of lessons for school.  Argh...I'll think about this one later. 

4.  Go to the zoo-we have two near us.  We've already gone to Oglebay's The Good Zoo this week, but we'd also like to go to the Pittsburgh Zoo. 

5.  Pool time-lots of it.  This is another one we've already accomplished, some days we even went twice.  We're lucky that lots of Anthony's friends belong to the same swim club this year, so it's lots of fun to hang out and watch the kids play together.

6.  Kennywood.  Not from around here?  Kennywood is our local amusement park and if you're a true Pittsburgher, you never miss a summer!  Potato patch french fries, two wooden roller coasters, waffle ice cream sandwiches-yum!

7.  Idlewild.  Not sure we'll get around to this one or not, but Idlewild is Kennywood's sister park, but for the younger set.  Storybook Forest, a jungle area for kids to explore and climb, plus a huge water park. 

8.  Baseball.  Not going to lie to ya, I'm not a baseball fan.  I love the experience of going to a game, but the actual game, not so much.  We can blame it on the fact that I live in Pittsburgh (ya know, home to the Pittsburgh Pirates...usually the nation's most losing team, although apparently things are going better this year!).  But to sit at PNC Park, overlooking the river and our beautiful city, waiting for the fireworks while you eat your way through the innings, cheering for your favorite pierogi during the Pierogi races, it's just too fun to miss!  We're lucky to have the Washington Wild Things, a minor league team, playing 10 minutes from us.  If the weather breaks, we'll be heading that way tonight. 

9.  Working on reading and writing with Builder Boy.  Started this already...slow going, but going nonetheless.

10. Play time-lots of it.  I want to spend more time playing and less time separated by television and computer screens. 

11.  Playdates for Builder Boy.  I'm fun and all (okay, well, not really), but the dude needs to be with kiddos his own age.

12.  Campfires-n-s'mores.  This is a favorite summer night activity...we've already done two.  One at the neighbor's, one at our house.  I just love sitting by the fire, watching is crackle and burn, all the while knowing oI get to sleep in a bed in a house and not on a tent floor.  (Clearly, I am not the camping type, but I love a campfire!)

13.  Lego Museum.  We discovered that there is a Lego museum about 45 minutes from us.  This was one of the first items to go on our list.  Builder Boy will be in heaven!

14.  Movies, of both the theater and drive-in experience.  We managed to see Kung Fu Panda a few weeks ago at the drive-in (don't ask how it was...I slept through it...).  We still have yet to see: the new Pirates, Judy Moody, the Jim Carey penguin one, the zookeeper one, the new Winnie the Pooh, and Cars II!!!!  It's going to be a great summer for movies!

15.  Crafts and other educational things.  While I like the summer, I also know how stupid it can make us...kind of like that commercial for one of those learning centers where the letters are falling out of the kids ears, so I want to provide some educational things for Builder Boy to do. But shhhhh, don't tell Builder Boy it's educational.

16.  Stay pregnant.  Sigh...no comment. 

So that's the beginning of our bucket list.  What's on your list for this summer???

Next Year Will Be Different

This post was supposed to be posted last week...oops! 

Merry Christmas to all of you! I hope you enjoyed the holiday and were able to spend it with family and friends.  I'm always so amazed by how quickly it goes by...much faster as an adult than it ever did as a child.  Perhaps because now I'm the one preparing everything!  We had a lovely time together!  All (minus one) sibling of Remodel Man's was in town for the Christmas Eve celebration and it is good to be together.  It's  always a party when all the sibling are home!  We surprised his parents with a new flat screen, HDTV.  I thought they were going to have heart attacks-perhaps at their age we should have prepared them???  Christmas Day we spent with my family.  My mother always makes an excellent dinner!  My parents spoiled all of us ridiculously and I won't lie that it felt very nice!  I bought a lot of the gifts for my mom to give all of us, but she surprised me with some other items that were awesome!  I love that!  My boys also spoiled me.  My fav gift?  My new Lisa Leonard necklace!  Heidi has had me obsessing over one for a long time now, so I'm so glad to finally feed my obsession!!  I'll update with pictures later.

But as the holidays fades into the past, it is the time of year that we all begin thinking about the future.  Blog posts will saturate blogosphere with resolutions and reflections.  My reflecting started a while back.  As I saw the Christmas stress spiralling out of control ending up in a breakdown theTuesday before Christmas where I could not (and I literally could not) get off of the couch, I knew that things had to change.  So I vow, next year will be different, for Christmas at least, and it's going to start now.  I've had most of my shopping done since August (yep, I'm that person!).  I shop August toy clearances so that I can get the kids I buy for more expensive toys without breaking the bank. Yet, there I was wrapping the presents as we were leaving for the presents' destination.  There I was racing to the post office to spend a fortune on priority mail so that all presents reached their new homes before Santa came down the chimney.  There I was, Christmas eve night, realizing I didn't have enough presents for my sister.  Argh!  So next year, I vow to be better organized with presents: 

1. I will keep a running log of what I buy, how much it was, etc. I have done this in the past and it worked beautifully.
2. I will wrap starting in October.  I have the wrapping paper, I might as well get the darn things wrapped up. 
3. I will buy less...while this is a topic for a future post, I will be crossing people off of my Christmas list for next year...not out of spite, but out of practicality. 

While I really did put less pressure on myself this year to have a Martha Stewart-type holiday, still I felt the typical holiday pressure...so here are a few more vows I am taking for next holiday:

1. I will bring up the decoration boxes before Thanksgiving.  Since I usually work 30+ hours the weekend after Thanksgiving (at one of the part-time jobs), it's not feasible to start decorating the weekend after Thanksgiving.  So, boxes up before Turkey day, then I can slowly, night by night, put up decorations instead of frantically trying to do it in one day. 
2. I will bake and freeze early.  So many cookies are easily frozen at some stage of baking or another so why am I not doing that??  Some of those early fall days when the air is crisp is a perfect time to whip up a batch of Christmas cookies.
3. I will either hand-make my Christmas cards again -or- start gathering pictures earlier.  Ordering cards from a mail-service place two weeks before Christmas is a little stressful.
4. I will not lose my address book in November...mind you, first I need to find the address book again, but when I do, I will not lose it.  I had to wait until people emailed me back their addresses in order to send cards...
5. I will start playing Christmas carols before Thanksgiving.  Yes, I know we rush each holiday season, but Thanksgiving is a man-made holiday-Christmas is God-made.  I'm thinking it's okay if I revel in carols even before we celebrate those pilgrims!  (And is there ever a time to be more thankful than Jesus' birthday?)
6. I will incorporate more service into the holiday season, specifically with Builder Boy. 
7. I will buy an Advent wreath and use it.  (Seriously can't believe I don't own one!)

I'm sure there are plenty of other additions to my list.  I'm sure I will still find myself frenzied next holiday even after doing all of the above, but I think these will definitely help with the stress.

Oh, and #8 on my list of things to do next year is actually something NOT to do...I would really like to NOT have PMS next year the week before Christmas OR get my period a week early, on the day after Christmas. 

New Year's post to follow shortly.  I'm a little behind on things.  What a way to start the year! ;)

Abundance

I sat amidst the boxes of Christmas decorations filled with holiday memories, of those who have gone, and those who are still with us.  I looked around at the counters cluttered with dirty dishes and mail and toys and card-making supplies and I felt that same overwhelming stress that often comes with the holidays. I looked at the bill pile and fought the wave of panic at the state of our finances.  And for the first time in a very long time, it passed...the wave of panic, the overwhelming stress. And I realized...I am surrounded by abundance. 

Yes, I have been marred by my loss and despair.  I have many prayers that remain unanswered.  My belly aches when I look at newborn babies and my heart hurts when I see the silly antics of a toddler.  But I am surrounded by abundance. 

My abundance may not be in the form of dollar bills, but I am surrounded my material things.  I stopped myself on Saturday from saying, "We're so poor," because in reality, we're so not poor.  We live in an amazing old home that we are lovingly restoring.  Each room is filled (literally) with stuff.  Too much stuff.  Stuff that could be sold if the situation was dire.  We have a basement and third floor filled as well.  We have jobs, four, actually, that we work hard at each and every day to provide for our family.  I sat for a few hours yesterday and wrapped lots of presents for Christmas and grocery shopped for our holiday meals.    We are loved.  We are full.  Abundance surrounds us.

It is so incredibly easy for me (and I suppose many others) to slip into the "woe is me" frame of mind.  And there are many people this holiday season that are justified in going "there."  But not me.  I have a good life and have been given so much that others have not.  My son is healthy (minus the croup and chest cold) and flourishes at school.  My sister made a surprise visit with donuts yesterday.  My mom came down and distracted Builder Boy while I sorted and wrapped his gifts.  Dad "gave me a little extra" on top of the money he owed me for some shopping I did for him "for my efforts."  My work friends lift me up spiritually on a daily basis.  Remodel Man stood outside for hours in the 20 degree weather yesterday making the outside of our home amazingly beautiful because Builder Boy is "only little once."  (We'll ignore the fact that I currently have a lighted buck and doe in my living room right now because it just got too cold after the sun went done to continue...)  It is overwhelming...but in a good way.

Perhaps my New Year's resolution should be to view the glass as half-full instead of half-empty because bottom-line is this...I am surrounded by abundance and I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

Merry Christmas to all of you!

How Do You Live Without Them?

After living in an old home for the past seven years, we often forgot "how the other half lives."  This usually comes as we peek out from under the covers on this blustery winter nights and see the curtains swaying as the wind whips through the many crevices around our original, 130 year old windows.  We bemoan about how expensive it is to make repairs on our house, how drafty it can be, what a bear it can be to clean original pine floors that desperately need to be refinished.  But during these cold winter months, we also marvel at how you new construction/modern home people (and in this category we include anyone living in a house dating 1950's and later) live without one very important feature:

Radiators.  Seriously, how do you live without them?  We are so happy that in all the owners of this house and during the time it was apartments, the radiators were left alone.  Although only two of the radiators in the house are original to our home (the house stood empty before the owners before us bought it and during that time, the radiators froze up and burst), all the radiators date to the same 1880's time frame.  They are ornate and lovely and oh so functional.  You'd be amazed at their versatility!

We use them for so many things...

 
to keep our pizza warm...

 
to soften up the butter when I'm baking...

 
to quickly dry off the snow gear for another snowman making sessions...

 
and, of course, so that the cats have yet another place to take a warm nap! (She usually squeezes herself under the radiator!!!)

They also serve as awesome towel warmers in the bathroom and the tall ones are great to lean over when you have cramps or to lean against when you have a back ache. 

The biggest downfall, is, of course, that we can't have air conditioning just yet (way too expensive for the method we'd need), but in the meantime, we'll enjoy our cozy, warm radiators (and ignore the drafty windows...). 

 

It's Just Really Hard

The title says it all...this whole working full-time, working two part-time jobs, raising an energetic, intelligent, and challenging little boy, attempting to take care of a house constantly under construction, doing laundry, planning/shopping for/preparing meals, and trying to have a life is really hard.  It sounds whiny, doesn't it?  I feel like a child stamping her foot out of an immature frustration.  Of course, I'm not surprised that it's hard-I'm just surprised by how incredibly hard it is. 

I guess I'm not a good time manager, but I'm finding that I just can't get the house clean or laundry folded or meals prepared each week.  One thing may get done, but not all that needs to get done.  Not even close.  This past weekend, Saturday was a family day and date night.  We spent the amazingly clear and hot day picking pumpkins and navigating corn mazes and slinging apples into a lake.  Saturday night, Builder Boy headed to the grandparents while Remodel Man and I had a yummy dinner, a favorite place from our early married days, and went to hear an awesome band.  The day was lovely, it truly was, but it left me stressed and anxious.  I worked on Sunday so my weekend was done. Sigh. How to get anything done?

During the week, my time is even more constrained.  After picking Builder Boy up from school, we head home, changes clothes, and grab a snack.  Builder Boy usually watches a tv show and then we play or read.  Soon after that, it's time to make dinner, eat dinner, and clean up dinner.  That leaves at most an hour before the bedtime routine begins.  We've been having Wii bowling marathons and we try to master our Wii Jedi skills (okay, I just watch on this one!) so we can spend some family time together.  After Builder Boy is in bed, usually around 8:15 if we're lucky, it's time to make lunches, get the coffee ready for the next day, and set out clothes, bags, etc. for the upcoming school day.  At this point, I'm exhausted. I should go to bed, but there's work to be done.  I fall into bed between 11:00 and midnight.  It begins again the next day...I'm living Groundhog's Day!  Add to that the occasional shift at my part-time retail job and the daily checking of my on-line students. 

I just can't figure out how to fit in all that needs to be done.

And I won't lie...I heavily envy those who get to stay home.  I recognize how difficult it is and have profound respect for those who do it, but I'm so incredibly jealous.  Jealous that some days, she can get up, throw on her sweats and drive her child to school, only to go home and enjoy a cup of coffee, the daily newspaper, and a long, hot shower.  Me?  The alarm goes off at 4:49 AM (don't worry, I hit snooze a zillion and one times!), I take the world's fastest shower, usually only shaving what is absolutely necessary to shave, frantically racing around getting dressed and made up, grabbing the coffee, a protein bar, and heading out the door.  And it's really hard. 

On the positive side, though, financially we are finally making all of our bills.  We're still not paying anything down, but at least we're not falling farther behind.  I'm enjoying teaching this year more than I have in the past few years.  And I'm heading to a professional conference in Disney World (woohoo!!!) in a month paid for by my school.  These are all wonderful, positive things.

So if you are a full-time working outside the home mom (and I can't even begin to tell you how very much I have always hated having to differentiate between the SAHM and the WAHM!!), I'd love your tips on how you manage your time.  I'm not asking, I'm begging, because I'm drowning in it all right now. 

HELP!!!!!  :)