I usually hate New Year's Eve. It is such a lot of pressure (a big party! the perfect dress! ) for just another 11:59 PM turning to 12:00 AM. A sadness overcomes me as I recognize how quickly time is passing (especially since becoming a mother) and I have trouble looking to the year ahead. This year, however, New Year's kind of sneaked up on me and I was like, whatever! (as the kids say...) I mentioned to Remodel Man that past years, I was ready to kick the previous year in the butt-they had been filled with tragedy and sorrow, illness and strife-but this year, well, it just was. He kind of looked at me funny, and waited. And waited. And waited. I guess I'm kind of slow because it hadn't occurred to me that this year, too, was sorrowful. We lost our fourth baby. We had two failed IUI cycles. I had a breast cancer scare. I had heart issues. I was horribly depressed.
Wow. Not exactly an easy year.
But this year's passing was a bit different. While our infertility journey ended and we still hurt over that, we feel resolved that we are done. We are a family of three. This is okay. We have learned to deal with this and have moved on. While there are reminders of it everywhere, we experience momentary sadness, then pick up and move on. There is an intense relief in this. So as we moved from 2011 to 2012, it was with a sense of, eh, whatever.
This year, however, I have dubbed "The Year of Me." This sounds incredibly selfish, doesn't it? I don't mean it to be, but I do need to focus on me a bit more. My health is suffering. My mental wellness is, well, pathetic. My life is a constant chaotic mess. This all needs to change and only I can do that. Hence, the year of me. While I don't want to make resolutions, I do want to better myself through all the normal New Year resolutions kind of way. Exercise. Better eating. Getting organized. Paying down our debt. Being more mindful. Working more on my spiritual side. See, all the normal things.
So here I am, embarking on another year with the resolution to be a better person. The Year of Me! Yippee!!
Can the Year of You also include a weekend of hanging out with ME? I think it would be good for our mental health! (And I'm not kidding!!!!)
Posted by: Ann Kimmel | January 03, 2012 at 10:01 AM
Wow, that truly WAS a rough year. It's amazing (and courageous) how you're moving ahead despite all of that and making some new goals for a new year. Hoping that 2012 will hold lots of joy and happiness for you!
Thanks for your comment on my blog. Can't wait to check out those books!
Posted by: Stacey | January 17, 2012 at 10:10 PM