Oh yes, I did. I broke my own rules during a cycle...I tested early. In all previous cycle, and there have been many, I always waited for the blood test and subsequent phone call to tell me the results (which have always been negative during any of our cycles). Even if my period came full blast, I still waited for the blood test results before I stopped believing in a cycle.
This time felt different. This is it...the end of our fertility journey. This time around, with much more at stake, I just wanted to know. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to begin whatever this next phase would bring-baby, no baby, whichever, I just wanted to move on.
All cycles are difficult, but this one had it's own unique set of challenges. Certainly, working full time in an environment where I can't share what I am doing made it very hard to make it to all the early morning blood tests and ultrasounds. Waking Remodel Man up before the sun to give me my shots was tough (he needs his beauty sleep, people!). Having to find sitters for after school pickup, and fork out the money for another cycle, and sticking progesterone up the hoohaw during the day in the school bathroom...dealing with mood swings and hot flashes that could rival a menopausal woman and icing my butt in the middle of the night before my trigger shot-this has not been fun.I asked Remodel Man last night if all the other times were this bad...he thinks so, but I don't recall. I know it was hard, but this time just seemed so much worse.
So by Wednesday night, we will know officially which direction our life is taking. We will be forced to move on. And that test I took yesterday?
Negative.
I didn't tell Remodel Man...I'm waiting to get the official results. It was, after all, four days early. In the meantime, I am a hot, angry mess of progesterone-filled, PMSing woman.
(((hugs))) I tested today with a bfn. Granted, it wasn't a treatment cycle but I don't like seeing it. :( Many hugs to you!
Posted by: Heidi | February 21, 2011 at 10:47 AM
C'mon Wednesday! Hurry up already! We need answers!
Posted by: TeamWinks | February 21, 2011 at 05:38 PM