It's funny that BBM posted this today. At work last night, something came up that led me to thinking about this exact thing-closing the door on a dream. It's actually been on my mind a lot recently as I attempt (yet again...) to continue organizing and purging our home. I had set a date for myself-the day after my 40th birthday. That was the day I would get rid of all things baby in our home. It just seemed like a fitting date.
But last night at work, a young woman who had been pregnant a few months ago, came in not so pregnant anymore. My heart sank since she had been having extremely high blood pressure and the last I saw her, she looked horrible. I asked no questions since I wasn't sure what had happened or how she was emotionally. After she left, I asked another work friend what had happened. Turns out, they delivered the baby when she was 5-6 months along (this person wasn't sure-clearly not an infertile. An infertile would have been able to tell you the exact day of the pregnancy that baby had come out). The baby weighed 2.2 lbs and although extremely premature, was okay. Yesterday, he weighed 4.4 lbs, doubling his weight and there was already talk of him coming home in a month or so.
This young woman is a mere 21 years old, not married, and involved with a man who is no good. She has nothing, including a job right now, as her time consists of driving the hour to the hospital to see her baby, being with the baby, then driving the hour home. From what I know, there is no family here, and very little support amongst her friends. She has nothing for this baby-there was no time for a shower with such prematurity.
And it occurred to me-is this a sign? Is this God's way of telling me to let go? Here is this girl in need, with a baby boy, and I have an entire third floor of boy clothes, blankets, toys, books, accessories. It takes up space and let's face it, the chances of me expanding my family arepretty low. I did some thinking last night...I think there are some things at this point that I can let go of...things that don't hold much sentimental value. A bouncy seat that Builder Boy hated and therefore was only used by the cat (I kid you not, it played bird noises and Deconstructor Cat #1 loved this thing!). Some baby classical music Cd's. Some baby shoes and clothes that may work for a little guy his size.
There are more things I think I can part with. I haven't gone up there to look. I might just go up there and back out of most things, but I know there are some things I won't use even if there is a miracle addition to our family. And so I will do it. At least part of it. And the rest can wait three more years to that monumental birthday.
It's not easy. Not after the past year of my life. But perhaps in letting go some of the material things, the emotional part may ease up. Or not.
Letting go is never easy but I think it becomes less hard when you know that someone can be helped by your generosity.
Posted by: Michele | September 28, 2009 at 05:07 AM
You are a very considerate person. Good for you.
Posted by: Black Belt Mama | September 28, 2009 at 10:40 AM
I bet it will feel great to give to someone who may need help, even if you have a hard time letting go of some of it. I think you are very sweet to consider that. There are definitely things I can't let go of either. I understand that part. But I also remind myself that letting go of some of that stuff doesn't mean letting go of the dream.
Posted by: Stacey | October 03, 2009 at 01:12 PM